Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Too Long to be Without...

It has been too long since I've posted something here, but I wanted to get a few thoughts that I had tonight down, just because I really liked them and wanted to share or maybe even hear what everyone else has to say, if anyone reads this anymore.

-I'm the last one to leave the Thunderdome before Christmas. For a while I thought it was going to be for good, but it looks like we'll at least get to finish out the semester here, which is good. It feels like home, and when everyone is gone, I keep thinking that the house is haunted, but I'm realizing now that I'm so conditioned to doors slamming and music blaring and some kind of story or commotion going on that it is more my mind playing tricks on me in anticipation of people being home. For an only child, you would think I would be used to being on my own, but I still have a hard time sleeping knowing that I'm the only one here. Guess I've assured myself of having a relatively large family.

-I had a conversation with my friend the other night and realized something about myself. I get extremely terse and angry with people who judge. I also get upset with people simply commenting or noticing the things that are wrong or that I am doing wrong or people in general are doing wrong. I guess shortly, I hate people noticing the negative and the bad in my own life and with others. I think I usually interpret that as cockiness or arrogance on the part of the offending party, because of my own shortcomings and dislike for the feelings I've felt from people like that in the past. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life that others have not, not because I'm a bad person or I like bad things per se, but because I am curious and I always want to see what something feels like or how to do it, and that is at least one reason that I tend to get into trouble. For those of you who have never had to deal with the pain of making mistakes or paying the price for mistakes made down the road, have never had to feel the hurt and disappointment and pain, have never had to fight your way back to the good road, when it seems like you've been on the bad one, and haven't felt away from the things that you once had but lost, I just ask for your patience. Some of us aren't built to handle things the way you are. We struggle, learn, fall, struggle some more, and try to get ahead but it just doesn't always turn out to be rainbows and gumdrops and puppy dog kisses every day. That doesn't mean we don't have rich, fulfilling moments, or dreams and happy lives, just that we do things differently. I hope we can all be just a little more understanding, especially myself.

-I've been thinking about definitions a lot lately, and when I get some more time, I want to really put my thoughts to paper. My biggest hope and desire with what I write here is that people will read and be inspired, or led, to thoughts that they can in turn share with me and others. I firmly stand by the idea that Creativity begets creativity, and we can all use some of that in our lives.

-Working at Pizza Hut is both a blessing and a curse. I feel like the work I do is so menial and inappropriate for capitalizing on my strengths, but at the same time, I make good money for a part-time college gig, and I have a lot of time to be creative and think up random things to do at work to make it more fun and also continue to think up new ideas for my outside life. Creativity is my new favorite theme in my life right now, so much so that I am really looking hard into what I want my career forays to be in. You would think that at 27 I would have this figured out by now, and I thought I had, but now I don't know.

-If I had a word of the day calendar, the big ones this week/month would be balderdash, haberdashery, shenanigans and tomfoolery, kibosh, hijinks, and there was one more that I heard today that I can't remember. Foo. Oh well. Until next time I guess.


McCall B. said...

Love ya Bry.

Anonymous said...

That was good! It makes me want to be there at 1:32 in the morning sitting at the table while you sitting at the counter, talking and playin on the internet. Miss you boy!!!

Anonymous said...

this is westin by the way